So Average

Jessica Mckenna
Oct 4, 2017
2 min read

04/10/17

Lately, I'm feeling very average. To the point where I started a mood tracker in my diary (thank you Laura for the bullet journal idea).

Over worrying and creating stress seems to be the norm for me at the moment. I'll tell you why. It was a mixture of boy drama and the fact that time is going too quickly right now. Lets start with boy drama though, if you can even class it as that.

I am secure enough in my relationship to assume that I'm safe from heartache but then out of know where (almost), a womans greatest weakness shows itself. Insecurity.

Sure, I'm probably a lot to handle. I congratulate my boyfriend on putting up with me for this long, seriously. I'm just pulling wisdom from my 23 years on this planet that I know from experience we all have insecurities that can sometimes escalate to full blown madness.

How do I know this?

I've seen 8 of my 10 friends go down the crazy spiral. Actually that's a lie. Not about the crazy spiral but about me having 10 friends. Its more like 4.

Friends, acquaintances, random people who like to pry. Whoever reads this, know.

There is nothing wrong about being a little crazy. Don't be a lot crazy, but a little is normal (well at least I think it is).

I'm getting off topic.

This story isn't meant to be about whether or not crazy is ok, but I'm glad I cleared my thoughts on the subject for everyone.

I trust Matthew. He's the bomb dot com. My stress comes from the serious, judgmental cloud I have placed above my own head. self doubt pours down on me, more than I would like to admit and trying to stop it is near impossible some days. It's true what they say about us being our own biggest critics. We see ourselves in the harshest light and drown ourselves with negativity for no reason.

Wow, that got deep.....

I bet you're all wondering the same thing, and no, Matt is a top guy and hasn't done anything to upset me.

This isn't a jury and he isn't on the stand.

I'm saying we all get a little crazy sometimes and it is normal. Just don't be like me and jump to conclusions. Boys are like water sometimes and can be super transparent if you let them. This assumption can always change, but for now that's what I'm sticking too.

As for time going to quick.

There is nothing I can do to improve that so I just have to deal.